A Mutual Feeling
by jncar
Summary: A harmless crush on a teacher evolves into one of the most important relationships of Uhura's life. A series of Uhura-centric scenes from her last year and a half as a Cadet. Spock/Uhura.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **After a lengthy hiatus from fanfiction for both real life issues and to work on an original novel, the lure of Star Trek 2009 proved to great for this life-long Trekkie to resist. This is the first in a four-part story depicting one of the possible scenarios for how the Spock/Uhura relationship came to be. Much thanks and credit goes to my beta-reader, MrsTater.

Part I: Teacher

Gaila walked through the dorm-room door, clumping loudly in her tall wooden-heeled boots. On her bed, Nyota, glanced up from her PADD, shook her head at the sight of Gaila's skimpy outfit, and looked back down at her reading.

"I'm home," announced Gaila, plopping down beside Nyota on the matress.

"I noticed," replied Nyota, ignoring the scent of cigar-smoke wafting from her roommate's hair.

Gaila leaned over to get a look at the PADD, and let out a short laugh. "Vulcan history. I should have guessed."

Nyota looked up. "Why would you guess I'd be reading Vulcan history?" The corners of her mouth turned down.

Gaila rolled her eyes and stood up, walking over to her side of the room. "Actually, I would've guessed Vulcan culture and society. But history is close enough."

Nyota turned off her PADD and set it down on her nightstand. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Don't play innocent with me," replied Gaila, pulling off her shirt and tossing it carelessly on the ground. "I know a thing or two about lust, and let me warn you--lusting after a teacher will never lead to anything good."

"It's not lust!" Nyota swung her legs off of her bed, planting them firmly on the ground. "He's an excellent officer and an extraordinary intellect, and I find him fascinating. That's all."

Gaila tugged off her skirt and shook her head with another laugh. "So suddenly you know exactly what I'm talking about?"

Nyota folded her arms across her chest and glared at her roommate. "Fine. You're right. I've been a little…preoccupied with Commander Spock lately. I don't see that there's anything wrong with that. You're preoccupied with a new man every week, and you don't see me complaining about it."

"Unless I bring them back here when you're trying to study."

"Exactly."

Gaila sank down onto her own bed with a sigh. "Honey, I know you think this is no big deal. And it might not be. But if you keep spending all your free time reading up on his culture, and keep visiting him twice a week during his office hours, you're either going to make him think that you're crazy and obsessed, or he's going to sleep with you. Neither of those are happy outcomes. Trust me; I've done both."

Nyota looked sheepishly down at her feet, wriggling her toes against the not-so-clean dormitory carpet. She'd actually visited Commander Spock's office _three_ times this week. When she enrolled in Advanced Subspace Communications Mechanics and Theory she expected to learn skills that would make her a better officer. What she never expected was to learn first-hand just how quickly a harmless crush on her teacher could grow into a fascination that utterly dominated her thoughts.

"I am being a little obsessive, aren't I?"

Gaila nodded broadly. "Just a little."

Nyota straightened her back, looking more pointedly at her roommate. "But I'm serious that it's not just lust. He's a very interesting man. I could talk to him for hours."

"You do talk to him for hours." Gaila sauntered across the room to get a beverage out of their small refrigerator. "Do any of your classmates ever get a chance to see him, or do you monopolize all of his office hours for yourself?"

"No." Nyota reclined back on her bed again. "If there's someone else waiting I always keep it short." Except for the three times she'd left his office right at the end of his office hours only to find one of her classmates glaring angrily at her in the hall. But Commander Spock hadn't seemed to notice them either; Nyota couldn't help but wonder why? Was it possible that he found their conversations as engrossing as she did?

Gaila popped open the top of her drink and sat down on her bed again. "Look, I don't mean to harass you about this. I've had more than my fair share of man trouble, too. I just worry about you. This sort of thing is completely against regulations. I don't want you to screw up your career over a man. It's not worth it."

Coming from Gaila, this was very serious advice. Closing her eyes, Nyota reached up to run her fingers through her long hair. She thought through the last few months, and all the small steps that led to this growing obsession.

"You're right," she admitted. "I know you're right. This needs to stop. I'm wasting way too much mental energy on an impossibility." She opened her eyes and turned her head to look over at her friend.

"Did you know I got a B on an exam this week?"

"Oh no!" Gaila mockingly clutched at her heart. "Not a B! Whatever will we do?"

Nyota rolled her eyes. "Come on. You know what I mean. I never get Bs. Never. It has to be because I can't concentrate anymore."

"No. You concentrate just fine. The problem is what you're concentrating on. Like those soulful brown eyes, and that long lean body, and those oh-so-kissable ears…"

Nyota grabbed her pillow and threw it at Gaila, while both of them laughed.

"All right, all right," said Nyota. "I'm over it. I won't go to his office at all this week. Not once."

Gaila raised an eyebrow, and tossed the pillow back. "Do you promise?"

Nyota hugged the pillow to her chest. "Yes. I promise."

***

"Cadet Uhura!"

Nyota, about to exit the lecture hall, froze in her tracks at the sound of his voice calling her name. She took a deep breath. It was Friday, and she'd been as good as her word--she hadn't been to Commander Spock's office all week. She'd been sorely tempted, but she'd held firm to her promise. It was for the best.

She took a deep breath, and turned around to find Spock standing only a few feet away. "Yes, Commander?"

"I was wondering if you have been unwell this week?"

"I--" Nyota was at a loss for words. After a moment, she finally replied, "Why do you ask?"

She could already feel her breath coming more rapidly in anticipation of his reply. He was concerned about her. Genuinely concerned_._

"I have noticed your absence during my office hours this week," he said, standing as stiff as ever with his hands clasped behind his back, "and your participation in class discussion has dropped by nearly twenty percent. I know that many Cadets choose not to make the time to visit a physician when they are feeling ill, but I would advise against that course of action. If you are not well, I suggest that you make an appointment with your physician this afternoon. It would be unfortunate if poor health impaired your academic performance."

Nyota took another deep breath to compose herself before replying. "Thank you for your concern, Commander. But there's no need to worry. I'm in perfect health."

He raised one of his eyebrows quizzically. "Indeed? Then I am most puzzled by your behavior this week. I had expected to continue our discussion on the syntactic divergence of the four proto-Vulcanoid language groups. Your insights on the topic are fascinating."

It was impossible for Nyota to stop the smile from spreading across her face. "Thank you. I was enjoying our discussion, too." Just as Nyota was about to tell him that she would come to his office later that afternoon, her promise to Gaila jumped up in her mind and she bit back her words. Nyota prided herself on never breaking a promise.

"Unfortunately," she said, "I've been busy all week assisting my roommate with a project." She closed her mouth in a tight-lipped grin. That ought to do; it was certainly close enough to the truth.

"Ah. I see. Your roommate is privileged to have a friend as talented and intelligent as yourself. It is generous of you to spend your time assisting her."

Nyota felt like her heart was doing jumping jacks in her chest. "I'm not doing anything more than any good friend would do."

His eyes flicked over her face, as if studying her expression. What did he see there? What did he really think of her? It was impossible to tell. Maybe that was one of the things that attracted her so much--with most of the men she knew she could always tell exactly what was on their minds. But not with Spock.

"Perhaps you are correct," he replied. "It is admirable nonetheless."

"Thank you, Sir."

He nodded shortly. "Are you assisting your friend again this afternoon?"

"I am."

"Then perhaps we can continue our discussion on Monday?"

Nyota wasn't certain if she imagined the note of eagerness in his voice or not. Either way, there was only one possible answer to his question. "Absolutely. I plan on it." Nyota worked hard to keep her smile restrained to something small and friendly rather than the exultant grin that wanted to dominate her face.

"Excellent. I will expect you then." He nodded again. "Goodbye, Cadet."

"Goodbye, Commander."

She turned and headed out into the corridor, finally allowing her full grin to blossom.

***

Nyota had indulged her little obsession for long enough. The term was coming to an end. She would have no more excuses to visit Spock's office. It was time to let go.

She stepped to the open door of his office, and waited silently, as always, for his nod of acknowledgement before entering.

"Good afternoon, Cadet."

"Good afternoon, Commander." As always, two chairs sat in front of his desk, and, as always, she chose the chair on the left. She had become quite a creature of habit these past four months.

"I trust your exams are proceeding well?" he asked.

"Yes." She nodded. "I feel confident that my scores will be high."

"I have no doubt of it. I am aware of your current course-work, and I am certain you can excel at all of your chosen subjects."

He'd been checking up on her. She felt a rush of warmth in her face. This meeting was _not_ going to be easy.

She avoided meeting his eyes and gave her head a tiny nod before quietly saying, "Thank you, Sir." She still felt uncomfortable every time he complimented her. His words might be logical--they were probably even factual--but she couldn't prevent them from provoking an entirely emotional response in her. That was why she needed to end things. She was growing far too dependant on his support and encouragement.

She'd always been good at standing on her own. And she'd always sworn that she would never turn into the kind of woman who built her self-definition based on the men in her life. She couldn't let this infatuation change her.

"I trust you are adequately prepared for your Advanced Subspace Communications exam tomorrow?" He rested his hands lightly on the desk in front of him, and Nyota stared at them in lieu of meeting his eyes. She just couldn't look into those eyes and say goodbye.

"I am. I plan on reviewing some of the material one more time before bed, but I feel confident that I have a firm grasp of the principles and theories."

"I am equally confident. Your performance this term has left no room for doubt."

She couldn't stand to sit there and listen to one more compliment. It was too much to take. She stiffened her spine and raised her eyes. Still wishing to avoid eye-contact, she let her gaze rest on his lips.

"Before the term ends," she began, "I just wanted to tell you what a privilege it's been having you as my teacher. I feel like I've learned much more than subspace communications from you. I very much appreciate the fact that your door was always open for me. I know I've learned far more from our talks together than I ever could in a classroom."

"I concur that the greatest learning and teaching was done right here in this office. Our conversations together were engaging, and you are not the only one who learned a great deal. Your insights were most illuminating." Nyota was beginning to think that staring at his lips had been as much of a mistake as meeting his eyes. She hadn't thought about how much she loved the sound of his voice.

He continued, "I believe that it is every teacher's ambition to have a student who commits herself entirely to the pursuit and use of knowledge with vigor, determination, and enthusiasm. I have had the distinct privilege of finding just such a student in you. It has been an honor and a pleasure working with you this term, Cadet Uhura." He rose, and extended his hand.

Handshakes were a distinctly human tradition--one which Vulcans generally found distasteful. They preferred to avoid casual touching. Nyota felt a surge of pride that he would offer her such a gesture.

She stood, and extended her own hand in return.

His grip was firm and warm. Though the contact was brief it sent embarrassing surges of tingling desire all through her body.

She had to get out of there as fast as she could.

"I'm sorry, Commander, but I can't stay any longer today. I have to prepare for the rest of my exams."

"I understand." He nodded. "I hope we have the pleasure of working together again in the future."

"Me, too," she said, breathlessly. "Goodbye, Commander."

"Goodbye, Cadet."

She stood so hastily to leave that she nearly tripped over her own feet. With one final sheepish nod in his direction, she fled the room as quickly as she could without appearing rude.

***

In the middle of the first week of the new term Nyota stopped by the office of Captain Nagano, her new Communications Systems Maintenance and Repairs teacher.

"Hello, Sir," she said. "I was wondering if I could ask you some questions to help clarify the project we're working on in the lab right now?"

"Certainly, certainly." He waived her in. "Have a seat. Forgive me, but could you remind me of your name, Cadet?"

Nyota took a seat. "Uhura, Sir."

"Ahhh, Cadet Uhura." The captain let out a low chuckle. "I should have guessed you'd be the first student this term to drop by my office."

"Sir?" Nyota raised her eyebrows in surprise.

"Yes, Commander Spock told me all about you. I never used to think that Vulcans could have favorites, but they way he raves about you has proved me wrong."

Nyota's mouth hung open for a moment before she could reply. "_Raves_ about me, Sir?"

He chuckled again. "Well, the Vulcan equivalent of raving, in any case. I must warn you, Cadet, I have very high expectations for any student who can make that much of an impression on Commander Spock."

Nyota laughed back, feeling more than a little dumbfounded. "I'll do my best to live up to them, Sir."

He chuckled again. "Now, what can I help you with, today, Cadet?"

She managed to stumble her way through all of her questions and get the answers she was looking for, but her mind was in something of a haze for the rest of the afternoon.

That evening she took a walk by herself. Standing alone by a view of the Golden Gate Bridge, she muttered softly to herself. "It doesn't mean anything, Nyota. He doesn't have the same kind of feelings you do. He _can't _have the same kind of feelings you do. Let it go. Just let it go."

There was only one solution to this problem. She would throw herself into her studies so completely that she would have no time or energy left to carry on with her little obsession. It would work. It would have to work.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: **Thanks for all the great responses to Part I--I really appreciate it. For those of you wondering--this is a 4 part story. Again, I owe much thanks to my beta-reader, MrsTater.

Part II: Friend

The pounding rhythm of African drums emanating from Nyota's ear-buds set the pace of her feet striking the pavement. She loved rising early in the morning to take her daily run around campus. It was sparsely populated this time of day, and she liked to pretend that she was completely alone, in her own little bubble of peace and serenity.

As she followed the path around the Cochrane Engineering Building she caught sight of a familiar figure walking on an adjoining pathway. It was Commander Spock.

Nyota had successfully avoided any encounters with him over the past three months, and she slowed her pace, hoping he wouldn't see her. But it was already too late.

He raised his hand in salutation, and altered his course to intercept her.

She waved back, and slowed to a walk, reaching up to pull out the ear-buds and tuck them into the compartment on top of the music player clipped to her waist. Her stomach had done a nervous jump when she first saw him, but as she walked toward him she was surprised at how calm and collected she felt.

Though she'd thought about him a great deal for the first few weeks of the new term, her devotion to her work had soon driven him out of her mind. In fact, Nyota didn't believe she'd thought of him at all in more than a month. It felt good to be back in control of her emotions.

"Hello, Commander," she said with a smile as he drew close.

"Hello, Cadet Uhura. I am pleased to see you again. I trust your studies this term are going well?"

"Very well," she said. "It's been a good term for me, so far."

He nodded. "I am certain it has. Captain Nagano speaks very highly of you."

Her stomach took another jump, and she stiffened her spine, clasping her hands in front of her. "How is your term going, Commander?"

His expression altered just enough to convey the faintest hint of a frown. "My students are performing adequately. I was disappointed to discover that none of them show your promise."

She shook her head and smiled. "You flatter me, Commander."

He raised an eyebrow. "I do no such thing. Flattery is highly illogical. I only speak the facts. None of my students this term possess your unparalleled ability to identify sonic anomalies in subspace transmission tests, and few of them possess the ability to manipulate subspace frequency bands with your level of expertise."

Nyota repressed a laugh. His indefatigable pursuit of logic was just as charming as it always had been. "Very well. I'll do my best to avoid ascribing illogical motives to you in the future."

"That would be wise."

Nyota was almost certain she detected the barest trace of a smile on his face, just as she had several times during their conversations in his office. Her stomach did another quick flop.

His eyes briefly flitted over her running outfit. "Do you often go running in the morning?"

"Every day."

"I do, as well. I find running to be an invigorating way to start my day."

She raised her eyebrows. "Really? I'm surprised we haven't seen each other out here before today."

"I normally run on a treadmill in my quarters, so that I can review the latest scientific papers while I exercise."

Nyota shifted back and forth on her feet. They'd shared many long intellectual discussions in his office when she was his student, but this sort of casual banter was something new. She liked it. Somehow, she felt more at ease with him this way.

"Multitasking," she said, nodding her head. "That's very logical."

Spock cocked his head to one side, and narrowed his eyes. "Were you attempting sarcasm?"

She took a tiny step back. "Maybe. A little. I hope you weren't offended?"

"Not at all." There it was again--that small hint of a smile. "I am attempting to cultivate an appreciation of human forms of humor. It is a most perplexing subject."

"I can see how it would be."

They stood in silence for a moment. His gaze down at her was suddenly serious, as if he was appraising her for some sort of assignment. Nyota raised her chin and stood a little straighter.

"Cadet," he asked, "have you ever listened to Vulcan music?"

She shook her head. "I'm afraid I haven't."

He lowered his gaze to ground in front of her in an almost-nervous looking gesture. Nyota scrunched her forehead in confusion. _He_ wasn't supposed to be the nervous one here.

"There is a concert of traditional Vulcan music being presented in the city Performing Arts Center this Saturday evening. It will feature many songs in some of the ancient Vulcan dialects. Given your interest in Vulcan linguistic history, you may find it fascinating." He continued to gaze at the ground near her feet.

"It sounds very interesting."

"Would you care to accompany me to the concert?" he asked.

"I…" Her head was spinning, and her stomach did a few more uncomfortable jumps. She'd just spent three months working to eradicate her crush, and it had only taken a few short minutes to resurrect it. She knew she shouldn't say yes, but how could she bring herself to say no?

"Well…"

Though his head was still inclined downward, his eyes glanced up to look at her. He seemed nervous--eager. Nyota wondered if he would feel slighted--or even rejected--if she turned him down. No matter how bad an idea this might turn out to be, she couldn't bring herself to do that to him.

"Yes. I would like that very much."

At last, he looked back up to meet her eyes, his features softening again into his barely-there smile. "Excellent. Our encounter this morning has been most fortunate."

Nyota nodded mutely, feeling as if she just been hit by a tidal wave and was still struggling to come up for air.

"I will send you a message containing more details on the concert later today, and we can make arrangements to meet at the venue. Would that be acceptable?"

"Yes. That would be… would be just fine."

He nodded sharply. "Very well. Now, I must go. I am expected at a breakfast meeting in four minutes."

Nyota took another step backward. "Oh, yes. I won't keep you."

And with another short nod, he was gone.

Nyota didn't know how long she stood on the path in front of the engineering building, staring at the ground and wondering what the hell just happened to her. It wasn't until a steady stream of cadets began jostling against her on their way to classes that she roused herself and started jogging back toward her dormitory.

She couldn't read too much into this. It wasn't a date. It couldn't be a date. Vulcans didn't date. Did they? And even if they did, Spock of all people would never break regulations to date a student. It simply wasn't possible.

As she rounded another bend she ran headlong into the very last person she wanted to see that morning--Jim Kirk.

"Hey!" he said as they collided. He gripped her shoulders to help her regain her balance.

"Sorry," she said. "You can let go now." She shrugged him off forcefully.

His usual cocky grin spread across his face. "I'm happy to see you, too, Uhura. How about I play hooky and we go catch some breakfast together?"

"I don't think so." She shook her head. Would he never learn when to give up?

"Oh come on. I'm not all that bad. You just need to give me a chance."

She sighed. "Maybe some other time."

He raised his hand and pointed at her. "I'm going to hold you to that, Yolanda."

"Yolanda?!"

"Damn, that's not it either? How about Nichole? Jasmine? Betty?"

She shook her head. "Give it up, Kirk. I'm not telling." She started to jog away, hearing his laughter echoing behind her.

She was almost grateful for the unexpected encounter. It had finally broken her out of her trance. Now, she just needed to get through the rest of the week.

***

"So, who's the big date?" asked Gaila as Nyota adjusted her hair for the third time that evening.

"It's not a date." Nyota straightened her suit-jacket, appraising her appearance in the mirror.

"True. You don't usually dress like that for dates."

Tonight, after a lengthy internal debate, Nyota had chosen a conservative and professional navy pant-suit. Whether it was really a date or not, wearing one of her little dresses for Spock seemed completely wrong.

"So what is it?" asked Gaila. "A job interview, or something?"

Nyota turned to face her roommate. "Gaila--I wish you would realize that my private life is just that--_private_."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Gaila shook her head and walked to the door. "I'm going bar-hopping with Tammy. Have fun at your not-a-date. Don't wait up."

"I won't." Nyota was glad to see Gaila go. She was nervous enough as it was, without her roommate interrogating her.

Instead of making use of the Academy's Transporter system, she chose to ride the magnetic train system. She wanted more time to steady her nerves before her arrival. Still, the trip to the Performing Arts Center didn't seem to take nearly enough time.

Spock was already there, waiting by the fountain in the courtyard just as they had arranged. From the look of his plain gray suit, her pantsuit had been the perfect choice. As she drew closer to him, she tried not to think about how good he looked in the soft evening light, and tried to ignore her impression that he actually looked happy to see her.

"I am pleased that you've arrived so early," he said after greeting her. "Your appreciation of the performance will be enhanced by an understanding of the instruments being used, and the musical heritage of my world." He led her toward the concert hall. "There is a display of Vulcan instruments in the lobby. If you will allow me, I can tell you more about them all as you view them."

"That sounds great." She managed to keep her voice steady and calm.

Unexpectedly, she enjoyed his descriptions of the various instruments on display. He had detailed knowledge on the history and usage of each of the instruments, and was able to speak at length on their tonal qualities. Nyota began to suspect that she had somehow been permitted to step beyond his professional exterior, to see one of his hobbies.

"You really love music, don't you?" she said.

"I have a deep appreciation for the musical traditions of my people. There is little that gives me greater pleasure than listening to an expert performance of a technically superior composition."

Nyota grinned. "That's something we have in common. My mother is a professional singer. My whole home was filled with music while I was growing up. I sing a little, too, from time to time. Though I'm nowhere near as good as my mother. Do you perform music, as well appreciate it?"

He nodded, the corners of his mouth turned slightly upward in a more obvious smile than she had ever seen him wear before. "I do. I have studied the Vulcan Lute since I was a boy, and am an adept performer."

"Commander Spock," said Nyota with a grin, "I never would have guessed that you were musical."

"Nor I you. Such topics are unlikely to come up in an academic environment dominated by the sciences." He glanced at the large clock on the wall. "The performance begins in ten minutes. We should take our seats."

He turned to head toward their section of the theater. As Nyota began to follow him, a sudden thought rose in her mind. She'd been timid about asking him any personal questions during her entire term as his student, and it had brought her nothing but confusion and frustration. She couldn't make that same mistake again, or it would drive her crazy. If she was about to violate Academy regulations by dating a teacher, she needed to know it.

"Wait."

Spock halted, and turned to look back at her.

"Before we go in there," she said, "I have a question I need to ask."

"Certainly."

She took a deep breath. "I've never been invited to socialize by a senior officer before. I'm not quite sure what to make of it. I've had an ongoing internal debate for the past few days as to what your invitation actually _meant._ Would you please clarify for me exactly what this--outing--is?"

An expression that might have been embarrassment flitted across Spock's face before it settled back into its normal stoic expression. "I apologize for leaving you with any confusion. I consider you to be a friend, and believed that you would enjoy this concert. Therefore, when I encountered you on campus it seemed logical to invite you to accompany me. Does that clarify the matter?"

Nyota's surge of disappointment was so strong that she felt almost sick, but she did her best to hide it behind a smile.

It was better this way. Already she could hardly believe that she'd been ready to risk all her ambitions on--what? A silly infatuation?

Now she finally knew where she stood with him. Friends. They were friends. She could live with that. "Yes, it does. And… I'm glad to know you think of me as a friend. I feel the same way."

He nodded. "Shall we enter now?"

"Yes. Let's."

***

For the third time that month, Nyota donned a conservative suit and prepared to go out for the night.

"What's up with you and all the suits, lately?" asked Gaila as she rifled through her closet. "Are you dating a gray old Admiral, or something?"

Nyota sighed. "What do I have to keep telling you about my private life?"

"_That it's private_," Gaila repeated in a mocking tone.

"Exactly."

Gaila pulled another shirt from her closet, examined it, and then tossed it onto the growing pile of rejects at her feet. Suddenly, she bounced up and pointed at Nyota.

"I know!" she said. "You're having a torrid affair with the Vulcan Ambassador!"

"Gaila!"

This was exactly why Nyota was keeping her friendship with Spock a secret. If Gaila found out about it, she would never let Nyota hear the end of it. And with Gaila and her loose lips, gossip might even leak out that Nyota and Spock were dating. Which they weren't. Not really. But it would be hard to convince Gaila otherwise. That's why Nyota had decided to keep this friendship to herself.

"All right! All right," said Gaila. "I'll butt out. Now go have fun with your stodgy old whoever."

"I plan on it," replied Nyota, walking out the door.

Tonight she and Spock were going to a lecture at the San Francisco Museum of Natural History. It was fun having someone intellectually stimulating to hang out with, for a change. Most of her other friends still spent their free time at bars and dance clubs. But Nyota was ready for a different kind of friendship.

And, most of the time, she was able to convince herself that friendship was all that it was.

***

"I assure you, Nyota, I appreciated the artistry of the performance. I merely found the plot far too improbable to satisfy my tastes."

Spock fell in step beside Nyota as they left the theater. She'd taken him to see Shakespeare's "Twelfth Night," and he was not impressed.

"Maybe Shakespeare is just not for you," she said with a smile.

"Perhaps not."

"Well, thanks for giving it a try."

"It was a worthy experiment."

Nyota laughed. "I'm glad to hear it."

For more than four months now they had accompanied one another on at least one outing a week, as well as occasional meetings for lunch at restaurants near campus. And at the start of the latest term, Nyota began working two mornings a week as his research assistant. Recently, she'd been seeing more of Spock than of any of her other friends--including Gaila.

Friendship with Spock had come far more easily than she expected--except for those odd moments where her old attraction would flare back up. She frequently had to remind herself that when she caught him watching her face instead of a lecturer, it was only because he was trying to discern her reaction to the material being presented. And when he ordered her favorite meal for her at a restaurant when she was running late so it would be ready when she arrived, it was only because he was a considerate friend.

And when the sight of his by now familiar almost-smiles made her heart race, she had to remind herself--forcefully--that he was still a teacher, she was still a student, and nothing was ever going to happen.

She was perfectly content with nothing more than his friendship. Or so she kept telling herself.

That night they rode the magnetic train back to campus together. The Academy train station was decorated with a large display of models of the Starships currently under construction. Almost unconsciously, Nyota found herself walking directly toward the large model of the _Enterprise_--the new flagship of the fleet.

"She's going to be magnificent, isn't she?"

Spock stopped just beside her, with only a few inches of air between them. He nodded. "When she is launched, the _Enterprise_ will be the most expertly engineered and technologically advanced vessel in the fleet. It will indeed be a magnificent ship."

Nyota turned to face him, meeting his eyes. "When I finish my studies at the end of the year, I'm going to request an assignment aboard the _Enterprise_."

Spock graced her with one of his slight smiles. "A commendable goal. I would be pleased to serve with you aboard the _Enterprise_."

"Serve with me?" Her eyebrows shot up. "What do you mean?"

A subtle look of smug self-confidence appeared on his face. "Yesterday afternoon Captain Pike offered me the position of Chief Science Officer aboard the _Enterprise_. I accepted."

The sudden swell of nausea in her chest caught Nyota by surprise. It must have shown on her face.

"Has something distressed you?"

She shook her head, turning her face away from him. "No. Not at all. I'm just a little tired." She gripped the railing in front of the model display to steady herself. All she could think was that he would be leaving in less than two months. He would be leaving and she might never see him again. "That's…that's wonderful news. Congratulations."

"Thank you. I have also submitted my name for consideration for the post of First Officer."

"Captain Pike would be a fool if he didn't choose you."

"Nyota." Spock's tone was gently chiding.

She tightened her grip on the railing and rocked forward a little. "I know. That was a highly illogical statement. I apologize." She turned her face away from him as another surge of nausea struck her. Her thoughts were spinning out of control. She was going to lose him. He was going to disappear in the black of space, and even if she saw him again after graduating from the Academy, she knew things would never be the same between them again.

She'd been such a fool. How had she ever convinced herself that she only cared for him as a friend? For nearly five months now she'd been living a lie, and it had finally caught up with her.

She tensed in surprise as she felt his hand lightly rest on her shoulder. "My news has distressed you. Do not pretend otherwise, Nyota. Explain."

He had never touched her like this before. She sucked in a deep, heaving breath, and forced herself to meet his eyes. The gleam of concern in them was unmistakable.

"I'm sorry for overreacting," she said. "I'm glad for you. This is a great opportunity. I just…" She took another deep breath, trying to steady her voice. "I didn't expect you to leave the Academy so soon. The Enterprise is scheduled to leave at the end of June. That's less than two months away."

He raised an eyebrow. "My imminent departure is what has distressed you?"

She closed her eyes. He was still touching her. She couldn't think while he was touching her. She opened her eyes again. "Yes. Your friendship has become--important to me. I was caught off guard by your announcement. It suddenly struck me how much I'll miss you."

He nodded again, and finally removed his hand from her shoulder. Instead, he placed his hand next to hers on the railing, so close that their pinky fingers just grazed each other. He looked back up at the model.

Nyota lowered her own gaze to stare at their hands. This wasn't making it any easier to clear her head. She pulled her hand away, clenching it in a fist at her side.

"I will miss your companionship, as well," he said, still looking up at the model. "However, I see no reason why we cannot continue our friendship via subspace messaging. And I have little doubt that your excellent performance at the Academy will secure you your choice of assignments. I am certain that sometime next year we will have the opportunity to serve together again."

"Yes. Of course this won't end our friendship. I'm just being silly. I apologize."

"Nyota." His voice was firm. Commanding.

She turned to meet his gaze again.

"Nyota," he repeated. "You must never feel an obligation to apologize to me for your emotional responses. I would never expect that of you. Do you understand?"

"Yes." His words gave her the strength to smile again. "I do."

In silence he continued to hold her gaze for several moments before speaking again. "Perhaps it would be best if you return to your dormitory and get some sleep. We can speak of this again at a later time."

"Yes. I think I do need some sleep."

As they turned to walk out of the station, his fingertips grazed lightly across the back of her hand. She wanted to grab his hand and hold it tight in her own, but held herself back. When it came to Spock, there were certain lines she simply couldn't cross.

***

Nyota lay listlessly on her bed, staring at the ceiling. For two weeks now, her heart had been in turmoil.

Spock was leaving, and it felt like he was taking a piece of her soul along with him. She was such an idiot, to let herself fall in love with a man she could never have.

And love was exactly what it was. She couldn't deny it any longer. All her pretenses of friendship had been nothing more than childish rationalizations for letting herself fall deeper and deeper into well she should have avoided in the first place.

The dorm-room door swished open, and Gaila strode in, laughing loudly into her communicator. "Okay. I'll see you tonight. Bye-bye."

Gaila closed her communicator and strode to the middle of the room, glaring down at Nyota.

"There you are," she said. "In case you haven't heard, Nyota, finals are over. You can loosen up now."

Nyota sighed. "If by _loosen up_ you mean getting drunk with you, I think I'll pass."

Gaila sank down onto her bed. "What is wrong with you lately? I thought it was just finals, but if you're still moping around like someone died it's got to be something else. What is it? Did your stodgy old Admiral finally dump you?"

"Something like that." Nyota squeezed her eyes shut, wishing she could forget the last five months of her life.

"Damn. I'm sorry, Nyota. See, this is why you shouldn't keep things like this from me. I should have been there for you."

Gaila had her flaws, but her compassion was one of the reasons Nyota loved her anyway. She opened her eyes and smiled over at her friend. "It's okay. I'm getting through it."

"Are you sure?"

Nyota nodded. "I'm sure."

Gaila pouted. "And are you sure you don't want to come out with me tonight? I know I could find a way to cheer you up."

"No thanks. I don't think I could stomach the noise, tonight."

"Okay. But you really shouldn't stay cooped up here in the dorm like this. The term is over. Get out. Get away, even. You really need a break."

Nyota continued to ponder Gaila's words long after she left. Maybe her friend was right. Maybe she needed to get away. Away from the Academy, and away from Spock.

Maybe it was time to go home.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: **Once again, I really appreciate all the wonderful responses this story is getting. Thank you! And thank you MrsTater for your excellent beta work.

Part III: Romance

Nyota arrived at her mother's home just outside Nairobi on a hot afternoon. The sky was bleached white by the relentless sun and the forested park beyond the river looked wild and relentless--someplace you could be lost forever. It was perfect.

More than a dozen jubilant relatives and friends waited to greet her. Nyota was the only member of her childhood circle who had left Africa for her career, and soon she would be leaving Earth altogether. She was something of a prized curiosity among her loved ones.

It should have been easy to forget her troubles in the constant cacophony of sound--the laughter, the exchange of anecdotes, the telling of jokes, and the music. But she could never quite let go.

The first night she stayed up with her mother, aunts, uncles, and cousins late into the night singing and making music. When she sang two Vulcan folk-songs for them, they praised her for the depth of emotion she conveyed even in a language none of them understood. Not one of them guessed that all of that emotion was evoked not by the songs, but by her thoughts of the man who taught them to her.

She spent the next several days in pure indolence, sleeping late, taking lazy strolls by the river, and frolicking every night with her old crowd. If any of them noticed that she seemed distant and distracted, none of them commented. They welcomed her without question, just as they always had.

In the early afternoon of her fifth day there, Nyota lay listlessly in the hammock on her mother's veranda, staring up at the clouds.

"Nyota! Nyota!" called her mother, bustling through the door. "Look who's come to see you!"

A wide smile spread across her face at the sight of the tall, broad-shouldered young man standing behind her mother. "Solomon!" She leapt to her feet, and he caught her in an easy embrace.

Solomon was her oldest friend, and her first lover. He had studied industrial architecture, and was now living in Somalia and working as an assistant supervisor over the construction of a new shuttle-port there.

"I thought you were too busy with work to come see me," she said.

He grinned. "I thought the same about you, until I heard you had actually come home. I had to come see you. Pretty soon you'll be halfway across the galaxy. This might be my last chance."

Nyota and Solomon spent the rest of the day together, wandering the city and catching up on old times. When the night deepened, she let him take her back to his hotel, and into his bed.

Later, as she lay on her side, staring out at the darkness, he ran his fingers lightly down her bare arm. She wished she could feel that without thinking of Spock and the feeling of his hand resting on her shoulder.

"Where are you, Nyota?"

She rolled over to look at him. "I'm right here with you."

"No you're not. You've haven't been with me all night. Not really."

She could never fool Solomon. He could always see right through her.

"Nyota," he said, narrowing his eyes. "Have you gone and fallen in love with someone?"

She sighed, closing her eyes and running her hand through her hair. "Yes. I have."

Solomon sat up. "And this man is foolish enough to let you run off to Nairobi to be with me instead of keeping you in San Francisco for himself?"

Nyota rolled over onto her stomach, resting her chin on her hands. "It's not like that. It's complicated."

"Complicated? Is that some sort of code word that women understand? What do you mean? Doesn't he love you?"

She squeezed her eyes shut. What was love, to a Vulcan? The private smiles he saved just for her? The little touches? The way he drew her into his personal life while excluding everyone else? Was that love?

"I don't know," she said softly. "I don't know."

"Why don't you ask him?"

"I can't."

"Can't? Why not?"

She sat up and leaned back against the headboard, clutching a pillow over her chest. She suddenly felt far too exposed. "Because he's a senior officer, and I'm his research assistant and getting involved would violate Starfleet regulations. Besides--in less than three weeks he's getting on a Starship and warping away and I have no idea when I'll see him again."

Solomon stared at her with raised eyebrows. "So what?"

"So what?! Didn't you just hear me? I can't be with him!"

"No. All I heard was a string of excuses. What happened to you, Nyota? When did you get so afraid? You used to be as fearless as a lioness. What is it about this man that frightens you so much?"

The tears started running down her cheeks before she had a chance to stop them. She shook her head and wiped the moisture away from her cheeks. "What if he doesn't want me?"

Solomon reached forward to place his palms firmly on both sides of her face. He looked intensely into her eyes. "Then he's a fool, and doesn't deserve your love. Then you move on."

She drew in a deep, shuddering breath, and nodded slightly as he pushed the hair back from her face and wiped away her tears.

"You can do this, Nyota. I know you can. Even if you have to give up on him and get on with your life." A playful grin spread across his face. "If you can get over losing me, you can get over losing anyone."

Nyota laughed, and leaned against his chest, taking comfort in his embrace. "You're right. I can do this. I'm so glad you came to see me, Solomon. This was exactly what I needed."

The next afternoon, she boarded a shuttle for San Francisco.

***

Spock answered his door after the first chime.

"Nyota…I did not expect you back for three more days. Please, come in."

"Yeah, I decided to come home early."

She stepped tentatively into his apartment. She'd been there on three other occasions--twice for tea and conversation after attending lectures together, and once so he could demonstrate his proficiency on the Vulcan Lute--but it still felt like a foreign environment to her. Instead of the sparse and stoic decor that she had expected, pieces of art and sculpture were generously scattered throughout, and his furnishings featured fabrics in bright colors and bold geometric patterns. It was like all the brilliant complexities of his character that he normally hid from nearly everyone had somehow been put on display. One thing about the apartment, however, was completely predictable: everything was perfectly clean and tidy.

"Was your trip unsatisfactory?" Spock asked, leading her into the kitchen and putting a tea kettle on the heating unit.

Nyota smiled as he proceeded to put a teabag of her favorite Indian black tea into a mug, along with two tablets of sweetener, just as she'd had on her previous visits. He didn't get out a mug for himself.

"No," she replied, folding her arms and leaning against the wall as if the solidity of the structure would lend its strength to her jittery nerves. "I had a great time. But this afternoon I just felt like it was time to come home."

He arched an eyebrow. "Indeed." The teapot began to whistle, and he poured the hot water into her mug. "Shall we sit?"

She nodded, and followed him back to the living room. They sat together on his vivid red sofa, and he placed her mug on the coffee table in front of her. The table was covered with a neat row of nearly half-a-dozen PADDs.

"What have you been up to?" she asked, indicating the PADDs.

"I have been reviewing the inventory of scientific supplies and equipment for the _Enterprise_, and working my way through applications from officers who wish to serve in the Science Department onboard. There is still much to be done before we can embark."

Nyota lifted her mug to take a sip of the sweet and flavorful tea. Then she set it down and stiffened her spine. If he talked much more about embarking on the _Enterprise_ she was going to lose her nerve. She had to act now.

"Actually," she said, "there's a very specific reason that I felt like I needed to come home early."

"Oh. May I inquire why?"

She took a deep breath. "For this."

She reached up to touch his cheek with her hand, gently turned his face toward hers, leaned toward him, and kissed him on the lips.

He did not kiss her back, or put his arms around her. She hadn't expected him to.

She kept the kiss brief--she wasn't going to push him too far. As quietly and quickly as she had leaned into him, she pulled back, folding her hands in her lap.

For a moment Spock looked down at her in undisguised astonishment before regaining his composure.

"Nyota--I…" He paused. It was the first time she had ever heard him stumble over his words. He started again. "Am I to assume, from your action, that you desire to engage in a romantic relationship with me?"

"Yes." She held his gaze, refusing to let her focus waver. He needed to see how committed she was to this. "That's what I want."

Their gazes remained locked for several more seconds. He was the first to turn away, looking down at his PADD-covered table.

"I have often suspected that you harbored romantic inclinations toward me," he said, "but when you did not act on them I assumed that you had reached the same conclusion that I had: it would be illogical to embark on such a course in our relationship when we are so soon to be parted." He rested his hands lightly on his knees, and continued to look down at the table.

Nyota considered his words for a moment before answering. "So…you've thought about having a romantic relationship with me?"

"Yes. I have."

She drew in a few cleansing breaths before responding. She needed to remain calm. Just because he'd thought about it didn't mean he wanted it.

He spoke again. "Since joining Starfleet it has become clear to me that my life will be spent largely in the company of humans. I have often felt that it would be logical to follow my father's example, and eventually take a human spouse. I am not now at the stage of my career where I feel ready to begin a family. However, I have, on occasion, considered the possibility of experimenting with human romantic relationships." At last he looked up to meet her gaze once again. "Whenever such ideas have entered my mind over the past year, you were at the forefront of my thoughts."

Nyota suddenly felt weak, and dizzy. All this time she'd thought she'd been the only one pretending not to have feelings beyond friendship. But now, he had all but admitted to doing the same. "Why didn't you say anything to me?"

"You know as well as I that Starfleet regulation expressly forbids romantic fraternization between cadets and instructors. Additionally, before you ever enrolled in my class I had already submitted a request for assignment to the Enterprise. My decision was made. My course was set. It was clear that there would be only a narrow window of time following my cessation of duties as an instructor during which a romantic relationship would be possible."

"And you decided it would be illogical to attempt a relationship in that narrow window of time?"

At last, he looked back up at her. "Yes. But that reasoning was only a secondary factor in my decision. I want you to know, Nyota, that my primary consideration is, and has always been, your happiness."

She held her breath and gripped her knees with her hands, trying to untangle his reasoning. "I don't understand."

He shifted to angle his body toward hers and leaned forward. "From my limited observation of human romance, it appears that such relationships rely heavily on immediacy, as well as upon frequency of contact. I deduced that if we were to engage in a romantic relationship of unusually short duration followed immediately by my departure, it would only serve to intensify your distress at our separation. Since my primary object is to enhance your happiness, I chose to avoid actions that I felt would serve only to cause you pain."

Slowly, she stretched her hand forward to rest it lightly on his knee. "Thank you for putting so much thought into analyzing the possibility of a relationship with me. It means the world to me that you value my happiness so highly. It really does. But you need to know that your conclusions were wrong."

His eyebrow shot up. "They were? What, then, are the correct conclusions?"

She took another deep breath and leaned closer to him. There was no turning back now. "What you failed to comprehend in your analysis is just how much pain I'll feel at our separation if we _don't_ have a romantic relationship first."

She paused, looking deeply into his eyes. "It will be extreme. Not only will I feel the pain of separation from my best friend, but I will also feel the pain of romantic rejection. On the other hand, having even just two weeks of happiness with you right here, right now, will make the pain of separation _much_ easier to bear."

His other eyebrow rose. "Your reasoning defies logic."

"I know. Get used to it." She smiled. "But here's some logic for you: if your primary consideration is really my happiness, and my happiness will be greatest if I get to spend the next two weeks in a relationship with you, then the logical conclusion should be evident." She gently squeezed his knee.

He unclasped his hands and moved one to rest atop hers. "Your logic in this scenario is valid. I cannot dispute your conclusion."

"So, the question is, Spock, what do you want? I've made my choice. You need to make yours."

They sat in silence for more than a minute, leaning toward each other, his warm hand almost smothering hers where it lay on his knee.

Finally, he spoke. "Having so lately been your teacher and you my research assistant, I am concerned about the image of impropriety--"

That was all she needed to hear. "Fine. I get it. You don't need to say anything else." She had done all she could, but it still wasn't enough.

She rose to her feet and tried to pull her hand away, but he gripped it tightly. "Nyota--I was not finished speaking. Please, stay."

The intensity in his voice was impossible to ignore. She sank back down onto the sofa, her stomach doing jumping jacks inside of her while he continued to grip her hand.

"As I was saying, though our relationship is no longer in violation of regulations, it could still convey the image of impropriety."

Had he just said _our relationship_?

"For that reason," he continued, "I would request that we proceed with extreme discretion and the utmost concern for privacy. Naturally, you will have to desist your work in my lab immediately. Can you agree to these conditions?"

Her mouth hung open for a moment before she blurted out, "Yes! Yes. I absolutely can." She hesitated, staring deep into his eyes. "Does this mean that you've decided…?"

"To proceed down this new course in our relationship? Yes. I have."

An irrepressible grin spread across Nyota's face. She had come here almost certain of rejection. She'd never been happier to be wrong.

The corners of his mouth danced upward, and a surprisingly playful gleam shone in his eyes. "Does my decision make you happy?"

She laughed. "Yes. Right now I am happier than I have been in weeks."

"Excellent. I am pleased."

She placed her second hand on top of his, sandwiching his large, warm hand between her own.

"Before we proceed further," said Spock, "I must ask for your assistance."

Nyota raised her eyebrows, her eyes immediately darting to the line of PADDs on the table. "Yes. Of course. Anything."

He added his second hand to pile of hands now resting on his knee. "I have very limited knowledge regarding how to behave in a human romance. In this subject, I believe that it will be necessary for you to assume the role of teacher, with me as your pupil."

"I think I can manage that."

Nyota felt like she was floating. Spock wanted to be with her. He really wanted to be with her. She leaned forward again, closing the short distance between them.

This time, when her lips met his he responded in kind. Their lips moved together in a slow, gentle exploration. Even after the kiss ended he continued to lean into her, softly nuzzling her forehead.

Nyota remained still, her eyes closed, as her heart soared in silent exaltation.

Spock pulled back, once more looking into her eyes. "I have never done that before today. Was it…satisfactory?"

She struggled to restrain her laughter. "Yes. Very. I may not have much teaching to do after all."

***

The first week of their new relationship proceeded very much as their friendship had. Only now they chose restaurants and events further from campus, and never found themselves in the same lab at the same time. There were, however, a few significant changes in their behavior toward each other.

Nyota learned, much to her delight, that desire occasionally trumped logic. Spock never once complained about the dubious rationality of stealing kisses in turbolifts, dark corners, and once in an empty classroom.

He rarely embraced her when they kissed, but he never drew back from her touch. When they strolled through the city his hands remained clasped behind his back instead of taking her arm. And he never once complimented her appearance. But Nyota didn't mind missing out on those aspects of more conventional relationships.

Spock was hers, and she was his. That was all that mattered.

Eight days after her eventful return from Nairobi, Spock greeted her at their chosen restaurant with an announcement.

"I have news," he said, as the hostess led them to their table.

"What kind of news?"

"News regarding the _Enterprise_."

Nyota waited expectantly.

Spock continued. "In the most recent series of diagnostic tests, serious malfunctions were detected in the environmental regulation system. The entire system must be overhauled, and many key components will need to be rebuilt."

She raised her eyebrows. "Huh. The contractors who made those mistakes won't be working for Starfleet again."

"No. They most certainly will not."

Nyota swirled the ice in her glass. "So," she said, trying not to sound too hopeful, "will the maiden voyage be delayed?" She lifted her glass to take a sip.

"Yes. By five or six weeks."

She almost choked on her drink. "Oh. My. That's a major delay. I'm sorry."

He raised an eyebrow at her. "No. You are not."

Nyota burst into laughter. "You're right. I'm not. Not at all."

The corners of his mouth pricked up. "Neither am I."

***

Gaila had been hounding Nyota for weeks to discover why she seemed so happy all the time. Nyota had stubbornly refused to give in.

When she'd found Kirk under Gaila's bed the night before, she couldn't help but wonder if Gaila's fling with Kirk was a sort of punishment for her refusal to give up her secrets.

"How can you stand him?" asked Nyota as she scanned the messages on her computer.

"He's cute." Gaila sat perched on the edge of her bed, painting her toenails bright pink.

"Lots of better guys are cute."

"And he's charming."

"Lots of better guys are charming." Nyota stood up and pulled on her uniform jacket.

Gaila glanced up. "Where are you off to? I thought you were free today?"

"I have a date," said Nyota tugging on her boots.

"No way! With who?"

Nyota stood and smiled down at her roommate. "With Kirk."

Gaila's jaw dropped. "No way!"

"Yes." Nyota laughed. "I'm about to go see him get his ass kicked by the Kobayashi Maru test again."

***

Nyota wasn't sure if what Spock was doing could technically be called fuming, but it certainly came close.

"So you're sure he cheated?" she asked.

"I am certain off it. All that remains is to discover how. Which necessitates spending the remainder of the day here in the lab analyzing computer code."

"I'm sorry," she said, placing her hand on his shoulder. "Do you want me to stay and help?"

"No." He shook his head. "Two of my colleagues from the Programming department will be joining me shortly. The Academy has a vested interest in ensuring that nothing of this sort ever happens again."

Nyota sighed, and lightly ruffled the hair at the back of his neck. "Okay. I guess I'll cancel our dinner reservations."

"That would be prudent."

She stood back and watched him scan through several screens filled with endless code. It looked like he was going to have a very long day.

"Kirk is one of your classmates, is he not?" Spock suddenly asked.

"Yes. He is."

Still scanning the screen with his eyes, he asked, "Do you know him well?"

"As well as I want to." She stepped over to lean against the desk beside him.

"What is your assessment of his character?"

"If you're asking me if he's the kind of man who will cheat, you're damn right he is. He's arrogant, obnoxious, pig-headed and completely annoying. The worst part is, he's brilliant. A tactical genius, and he knows it. That's why he hates losing, and he'll do anything in his power to win. Even if it means cheating. He's utterly relentless."

"You sound as if you harbor some personal animosity toward him." Spock's eyes remained glued to the screen.

"Annoyance more than animosity. He's been pursuing me since he enlisted, and won't give up no matter how many times I shoot him down."

Somehow Spock's spine got even stiffer. He slowly drew his hands away from the computer controls and turned to look up at her. "He has pursued you _romantically_?"

Nyota couldn't help but smile at the sudden note of jealousy in his voice. "Not romantically," she replied. "Sexually."

Spock's eyes narrowed and his jaw clenched. "Indeed." He snapped his head back to the computer display and resumed his analysis of the code. "Once I have successfully proved his malfeasance, he will never bother you again."

Her eyes widened. "Do you mean… He'll be expelled?"

"That is the probable outcome, yes."

"I don't know." She shook her head. "I don't think he deserves expulsion. A formal reprimand, certainly. But not expulsion."

Spock stopped his work to look at her again. "Why do you defend him if you dislike him so much?"

"Spock, there's no reason to be jealous--"

"I am _not_ jealous. I am merely making an inquiry."

Nyota frowned, but let it go. It wasn't worth an argument. "I'm defending him because whether I like him or not, he has a lot of great potential as an officer. It would be a shame for Starfleet to lose someone of his talents because of a juvenile prank."

"It was considerably more than a prank." Spock turned back to his work. "I shall review his files and consider your opinion before making my own recommendation to the disciplinary counsel. Thank you for your insights. They have been most illuminating."

Her frown deepened. She knew a tone of dismissal when she heard it, but Spock had never spoken to her like that before. She, of all people, knew by now that his emotions were not nearly as tightly controlled as they seemed. This was probably the first time in his life that he'd had to deal with a feeling of jealousy, and he was taking it out on Kirk.

She could think of only one way to remedy the situation. She leaned down, took his face in her hands, and kissed him passionately. His stiffened in surprise for a moment, but then relaxed and responded in kind, reaching up to stroke her hair as they kissed.

After a few moments Nyota finally pulled back, but kept one of her hands pressed lightly to his cheek. "Do you trust me?"

"Completely."

"Then believe me when I say that the only reason I said Kirk would make a good officer, is because he really will make a good officer. And believe me when I say that I would never look twice at an obnoxious farm boy like him when I have a brilliant gentleman like you. Okay?"

He nodded, his look of frustration completely dissipated. "Understood."

"So go easy on him. He doesn't deserve to be expelled."

Spock took a deep breath. "I will evaluate his actions according to the demands of the Starfleet Academy Code of Conduct. Nothing more, nothing less."

Nyota nodded. That was the best she could expect. She just hoped Kirk wouldn't have to pay too high a price for his prank.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: **Thanks again for all your wonderful comments. I really appreciate the feedback. And, as ever, much thanks to my beta-reader, MrsTater.

Part IV: Lover

The corridors were swarming with anxious and excited cadets, all eager to leave Earth for their first real mission. Nyota wove through the crowd, searching for the black officers' uniforms among the sea of red. After a few minutes she finally spotted Spock, and pushed through the crowd to reach him.

"Commander!" she called.

He quickly turned at the sound of her voice, and waited for her to reach him.

"May I have a quick word? In private?"

"Certainly, Cadet." He nodded and led her into a less-crowded corridor, where they ducked into a recessed doorway.

"Is the _Enterprise_ joining the mission?" Nyota asked.

"It is," Spock replied. "The ship is insufficiently supplied for a lengthy voyage, but all systems and stores are adequately prepared for the short trip to Vulcan."

His tone was even, but Nyota was certain he must feel anxious about the sort of destruction a planet-wise disaster could cause on Vulcan. "Have you heard from your parents?" she asked.

"No. All communications with Vulcan were lost shortly after the initial distress call was received."

She could tell she would have little success getting a more elaborate response from him on the topic. Instead, she asked, "Who's in charge of assigning the cadets to their ships?"

"I will be working with several of the other officers to assign the cadets according to their abilities and aptitudes."

Nyota nodded in relief. With Spock giving out the assignments, she was sure to get a spot with him on the _Enterprise._

"Okay," she said. "I'll see you soon."

She gave his hand a quick squeeze before heading back out into the stream of moving cadets. It was time to get to work.

***

Forty-eight hours later the entire universe had been turned upside down and inside out. The Federation would never be the same again. Spock would never be the same again.

The _Enterprise _slogged along at impulse speed while repair crews swarmed through her corridors, mending their broken vessel. Back at Spacedock the _Excalibur_ was being loaded with the replacement warp core that the _Enterprise _would need to get them back to Earth.

There had been no time to mourn. No time to grieve. Only just enough time to be grateful that they had survived while the enemy was destroyed, and then to return to their duties.

For more than a day, Nyota had been sitting at the Communications station, scanning through the subspace frequencies, and listening. Just listening.

Signals passed from vessel to vessel. Messages coordinating rescue efforts. Messages organizing Vulcan refugee convoys. Messages guiding the search for survivors. And messages that broke her heart every time she heard them--futile cries into the blackness, calling out for loved ones that would never, and could never, reply.

Nyota heard them all.

Behind her the rest of the bridge crew worked to bring their ship home. But Nyota ignored them except for the brief moments, coming regularly every hour, when Spock and Kirk stopped by the bridge during their circuit of the ship.

Ever since the destruction of the _Narada_, Kirk and Spock had been moving non-stop. Together they patrolled the corridors, visiting every critical area and each site of on-going repair.

Whenever they returned to bridge, Nyota turned to watch them and marvel. The antagonism between them had evaporated like dew under a blazing afternoon sun. Whatever comment one made, or command one issued, was echoed and elaborated by the other, all the while embedded in a constant stream of almost-teasing banter.

Wherever they went, action and change followed. It was as if they were a living unstable chemical compound, catalyzing frenetic reactions in everything they touched.

During one of their stops by the bridge, Nyota began to wonder if this strange new symbiosis was Spock's way of dealing with his pain and his anger. She kept picturing in her mind the sight of his tiny ship barreling toward the _Narada_, facing down a barrage of missiles--a suicide run that he had started before the Enterprise arrived to offer him a hope of escape. She kept wondering what kind of emotional torment would lead a man like him to risk death for the sake of revenge. And, more importantly, were those same emotions still churning inside of him, masked only by his strange new partnership with Kirk?

With a troubled heart she returned to her endless listening. Less than ten minutes after Kirk and Spock left the bridge, she finally found what she'd been listening for--a faint, slightly garbled distress call. It was a Vulcan ship.

***

The next time Spock returned to the bridge Nyota was shocked to see him alone. Though it had only been a day, she had already come to expect Spock and Kirk to always arrive together. Not that she minded. She almost preferred sharing her small triumph with Spock alone.

"Commander," she called.

He strode over to her station. "Yes, Lieutenant."

She sat up straighter and allowed the corners of her mouth to prick upward in a tired semblance of a smile. "Forty-eight minutes ago I pick up a distress call from the Vulcan freighter _Kaalik_. They'd lost warp capabilities and their life-support systems were failing. I transmitted their coordinates to the _Hood_. I'm pleased to report that six minutes ago I received word from the _Hood _that their rescue efforts were a complete success. They rescued all fifty-four souls aboard the _Kaalik_, including eighteen children."

She finished her report and stared up at him, waiting. But for what? Congratulations? Relief? A faint expression of hope?

Instead, Nyota was shocked by the sudden look of emptiness in his eyes. He stared, unseeing, past her toward the computer displays. The other members of the bridge crew may not have recognized the subtle shift in his bearing, but she knew the instant she saw it what she was looking at: despair. Deep and utter despair.

The slight smile vanished from her face, and she instantly wished she'd never made the report at all. She should have known--she should have somehow predicted--how it would make him feel. The fact that the rescue of fifty-four survivors was perceived as a triumph was nothing more than a stark reminder of the magnitude of what had been lost. What were fifty-four lives, compared to six billion?

What was the rescue of eighteen children compared to the loss of his mother?

"Thank you, Lieutenant," he said softly. "That is welcome news." He had reformed his features into a picture of perfect impassivity, but Nyota could still see the unimaginable grief behind his mask.

She wanted to reach out and hold him--give comfort to him--right there on the bridge. But she held back. He didn't seek comfort the way a human would. He would never be willing to accept what she wanted to give him. She had no idea how to help him, other than to continue to carry out her duties to the best of her abilities, as he had requested before. So that was what she did.

***

For three more hours, Spock made the hourly visit to the bridge alone. Nyota had no more reports for him.

Not long after Spock's third visit, Kirk finally appeared again, looking somewhat refreshed. He must have taken a break.

He made the rounds of the bridge, visiting every station, and Nyota waited on tenterhooks for him to reach her. Just a few minutes earlier she had received a report that she had no desire to share.

"Lieutenant Uhura," Kirk said, finally reaching her. "Anything new to report?"

She stared down at the PADD in her hands, into which she had downloaded the details of the report. Somehow, she felt passing it along to Kirk would make it that much more real. That speaking the words aloud would finally break her. But she had no choice. It was her job.

She looked up at him. "Yes, Sir. Starfleet Command just sent us the final casualty lists from the Battle of Vulcan." Her voice felt thick in her throat, and sounded hoarse. She wondered when that had happened.

Kirk nodded wearily, as if he had resigned himself to hearing the bad news. "Okay. What's the rundown?"

Nyota took a deep breath, doing all in her power to hold back her tears. "Two shuttles from the _Exeter_ were rescued, carrying fourteen souls. Four shuttles from the _Merrimac _were rescued, carrying thirty-eight souls. And one shuttle from the _Potemkin _was retrieved, carrying nine souls. All three ships were destroyed. There were no other survivors. The _Farragut, Yorktown, Defiant, _and_ Eagle _were also destroyed, with all hands lost." She heard her own voice cracking and breaking, and fought to control it.

There was nothing subtle or nuanced about the grief and anger that spread across Kirk's face. He frowned, shaking his head as Nyota handed over the PADD.

"Seven ships." He shook his head again. "Seven ships, and more than half our graduating class, all in a matter of minutes." He cursed. "It's not right. Things like this… it shouldn't happen."

For the first time since she'd met him, Nyota felt a growing respect for Jim Kirk. Not just as an officer, but as a man.

He closed his eyes, still shaking his head. When he opened them again, he looked down at her with an almost pleading expression. "What ship was Gaila on?"

The question finally pushed Nyota over the edge. A sob burst from her lips, and tears began to wind their way down her cheeks. "The _Farragut._" She choked back another sob, fighting to regain control of her emotions. "She was on the _Farragut._"

Kirk clenched his jaw, his face turning red with emotion. "God damn it." His whole body tensed up, shuddering with rage. "God damn it! God damn it! God damn it!"

He punctuated his outburst by throwing the PADD to the floor. As it skittered uselessly away, he closed his eyes and leaned against the console next to Nyota, rubbing his head with his hand.

The whole bridge crew was staring at him, but the instant he opened his eyes she knew he didn't care. As far as he was concerned, she was the only one in the room.

"I'm so sorry, Uhura," he said. "I'm so, so sorry."

The tears still running down her cheeks were echoed by the moisture in his own eyes. "Thank you, Captain," she replied.

"Uhura?"

"Yes, Sir?" She looked up into his intense gaze.

"Have you had a break yet--since the _Narada_ was destroyed?"

She bit her lip guiltily, and shook her head. "Not yet. I thought I could serve the ship best by remaining at my post."

"Uhura." His voice softened. "Even I've found time for a nap and meal. There are other communications officers. Let one of them have a turn."

"Okay."

"Call up Ensign…Ensign…"

"Nodos," called Chekov from across the bridge.

"Thank you," replied Kirk. "Yes, call up Ensign Nodos to relieve you. Then go to your quarters to get some sleep, and some food. That's an order."

"Yes, Sir." Nyota wiped the tears away from her cheeks. "I'll do that."

***

The minimally furnished crew quarters offered Nyota little comfort. She tossed and turned on the unfamiliar mattress for at least an hour before she heard her door chime.

"Come in," she called, sitting up wearily.

A single glance at the silhouette through the translucent partition screening the sleeping area from the door was all she needed to know who had come. It was Spock.

She stood as he walked around the partition to face her.

"Nyota," he said. "The captain informed me about the _Farragut, _and about Gaila. I am sorry for your loss. Is there anything you need?"

Dumbstruck, she stared at him. _He _was the one who had lost more than anyone should have to bear. _He _was the one who should be grieving. Yet here he was, offering her the solace that she should be providing to him.

And, Nyota realized, she was too weak not to accept it.

A fresh wave of tears rolled down her face, and a new sob escaped her lips.

"Spock. I need you."

With a few short strides, he was at her side, wrapping his arms around her. She leaned into his chest, clinging to him desperately as she wept.

All the emotion that she had tried so hard to contain for the past day came pouring out at once. She wept for Gaila, Starfleet, and her lost classmates. She wept for Vulcan and for Spock's mother. And most of all, she wept for Spock, because he would not weep for himself.

After several minutes, he gently led her to the bed, and laid her down. He reclined beside her, once more wrapping his arms around her and cradling her to his chest.

A few minutes later, Nyota's tears finally subsided. She snuggled into the warmth of his embrace, relishing this rare closeness that he could share only with her.

She didn't know how long they lay together on her bed. It could have been ten minutes. It could have been an hour. At last Spock relaxed his hold on her, and slowly pulled away, sitting up.

"I need to return to my duties now," he said.

Nyota propped herself on an elbow. "Have you slept yet? Have you eaten?"

"I consumed some rations two hours ago."

She sat up all the way. "You need to sleep."

He rose and stood at the edge of her bed. "Vulcans are physiologically capable of going for several weeks without sleep."

"You're only half Vulcan."

"I am perfectly aware of my heritage." His voice took on a hard, frustrated edge.

Nyota looked away from his gaze. How could she force him to confront the emotions that he was denying? She couldn't control him. He had to decide for himself how best to deal with his grief and anger. "I'm sorry. You're right. If you need to go back to work, I won't interfere."

He nodded. "Thank you. I will see again after you have rested."

He walked toward the door.

Without thinking, she rose to follow him. Something more needed to be said. Something that she should have said weeks ago. "Spock."

He turned slowly to look at her again.

She stepped toward him. "Spock… I love you."

A series of indecipherable emotions flashed across his face before he closed the gap between them and took her in his arms once again.

"Nyota. I have no words to express the gratitude I feel to have you this ship--and to have you in my life."

He tilted his head forward to give her a soft, lingering kiss.

They stood in each other's arms for another minute, savoring the embrace, before his arms once again slackened, releasing her.

"I must go now."

"Okay." She nodded. "Take care of yourself."

"You do the same."

He left her quarters, the door swishing closed behind him.

Nyota walked slowly back to the bed and lay in the spot still warm from his body heat. In a matter of seconds, she was asleep.

***

When she woke, Nyota was shocked to find that she had slept for more than six hours. She took a hurried shower, grabbed a quick meal in the mess hall, and returned to her post on the bridge.

She was glad to hear that shortly after she went to sleep, the _Excalibur _arrived with the replacement warp core. In just a few hours installation would be complete, and they would be able to go home.

Nyota casually walked over to the pilot's station, and asked Lieutenant Sulu if he happened to know where Commander Spock was.

"Last I heard, he was in engineering supervising the installation of the new warp core," replied Sulu. He shook his head. "That man is like a machine. I don't think he's taken a break since we first left Spacedock. It's amazing."

"Yeah, pretty amazing." She forced a smile on her face. "Thanks. I'd better get back to my post."

As every hour passed without Spock's return to the bridge, her apprehension grew. She knew that he was losing himself in his work to try to overcome his grief, but she couldn't imagine how pushing himself like this would do anything but harm--even to a Vulcan.

At last, the warp core installation was complete and Kirk ordered the jump to warp. After all those exhausting hours limping along at impulse speeds, within five minutes they were home.

As they completed docking procedures at Spacedock, Uhura saw visible relief and happiness on the faces of all the other bridge officers. She felt it herself--but her relief was tainted by her continued anxiety for Spock.

"Lieutenant Uhura," said Kirk. "Patch me through to the whole ship."

She nodded and opened the general intercom to the Captain's chair.

"This is Captain Kirk speaking. Before we disembark, I want each and every one of you to know that it has been a privilege and an honor to serve with you. You've all performed your duties with distinction and excellence in the face of terror and tragedy. I am proud that, for a short time, I've been able to call myself your captain. Now, effective immediately, you are all granted indefinite shore leave. You've earned it, people. Go on home."

***

Nyota pushed her way through the crowds of people headed toward the airlock that led to Spacedock. She didn't even bother scanning the faces of the passing crowd--she knew she wouldn't find who she was looking for.

When she arrived in engineering, it was almost empty. It seemed that everyone had taken Kirk's orders to heart. Everyone except the lone figure in blue, standing at the warp core monitoring station.

She strode toward him. "Spock."

He turned at the sound of her voice. His face looked ashen and weary. Even his shoulders had begun to slump. Going without sleep for more than seventy-two hours had taken a serious toll on him.

"Lieutenant--I was certain you would have left for Spacedock by now."

"No." She shook her head, coming to a stop beside him. "I won't leave until you come with me."

He attempted to straighten his stance. "I cannot abandon my post until I have fully briefed the incoming repair crews."

"Spock, the repair crews might not come onboard for a few more hours. You need to rest _now._"

"I am perfectly capable of waiting until the repair crews arrive. They will function more effectively if they are briefed by an officer familiar with the current status of the ship." He turned away from her to look back at the monitoring station.

Nyota slid in beside him and placed a hand down over his control panel, impeding his access. She looked up into his eyes. "Why are you doing this, Spock? Are you trying to work yourself to death?"

His eyes narrowed. "That would be highly illogical."

"Not much of what you're doing right now is logical. You have to see that. If you're doing this to try to avoid dealing with your pain--"

He gripped her wrist and firmly removed her hand from the control panel. "Do not presume to understand my motives."

"I don't presume anything," she said. "I'm just trying to make sense of what I see. Like your suicide attack on the Narada. I can't explain it. You could have used evasive maneuvers until the Enterprise arrived. But instead you started that collision course long before we warped into transport range. Did you really hurt so much that you wanted to die to make it go away?"

"No!" He glared down at her with a fire in his eyes that she hadn't seen since he attacked Kirk on the bridge. He spoke in a harsh, clipped tone. "I did not want to die, Nyota. I made a choice to do everything in my power to ensure that your home and your family would not be destroyed as mine had been. And for that goal, yes, I was prepared to die."

The anger in his gaze was too much for her. She looked away, blinking back tears.

"I'm sorry," she said softly. "You're right. I never should have presumed."

"No, you should not have."

She couldn't look at him. "I'll leave your to your duties, now."

She turned and slowly walked toward the nearest turbolift. She kept waiting to hear him call after her--to stop her from leaving with so much anger between them. But he never did.

***

Since her return to San Francisco three days earlier, Nyota had gotten in the habit of spending her free time scanning for signals from the Long-Range Sensor Lab. Most of her friends were dead, she couldn't stand the new emptiness of her dorm-room, and Spock had been avoiding her. She had nowhere else to go.

The other cadets who came to use the lab now seemed so very young and inexperienced. She may have only been on one mission, but Nyota already felt like a veteran.

On the evening of the third day, she was interrupted in the lab by an unexpected visitor.

"Lieutenant Uhura. So this is where you've been hiding out."

She spun in her chair to see Kirk leaning nonchalantly against the doorframe. She smiled in spite of herself. It was good to finally see someone familiar.

"Hi, Kirk. Is it still Captain?" She folded her arms and leaned back in her chair.

He grinned. "Well…I'm still working on that one."

"So what brings you here? Are there some frequencies you need me to monitor?" She arched an eyebrow.

He chuckled. "Maybe I'll think of some later. Actually, I came to give you this. Orders from Admiral Pike."

He handed her a PADD. She glanced down at it, and her eyes grew wide with amazement as she read. "Chief Communications Officer aboard the _Enterprise_? But… I haven't even officially graduated yet!"

Kirk leaned against the console next to her. "You earned that position five times over, Uhura, and you know it. Besides, if you would read the whole thing, you'd see that all the cadets who served aboard the _Enterprise _have been granted early graduation, and have been allowed to keep their battlefield commissions permanently."

"Even you?" She looked at him pointedly.

He grinned again. "Like I said, I'm working on it."

She smiled back.

Kirk spoke again. "So, how's Spock doing?"

Her smile faded. "I was hoping you could tell me. We haven't spoken since I left the _Enterprise._ We didn't part on very good terms."

"No way." Kirk scrunched his forehead.

"I'm afraid so. I said a few stupid things, and he didn't take them very well. I'm afraid we might be…over." She spun back to face her console, trying to keep her emotions from bubbling up again.

Kirk shook his head. "I wouldn't worry too much if I was you. He'll get over it. The man is totally in love with you."

Nyota shook her head and laughed hollowly. "Yeah. Right."

"He is! He told me so himself."

"What?!" She snapped her head up to stare Kirk in the eye. How could Spock have told _Kirk_ of all people?

"Yeah. Well, kind of."

She rose to her feet and leaned toward him. "Why don't you tell me exactly what he said so that we can avoid any confusion here?"

One side of his mouth curved up into the smirk she used to hate so much. This time, however, she sensed more sympathy there than she ever had before.

"It was on the _Narada_," he said. "When Spock was getting ready to go on that death run of his, he told me that if he didn't come back that he wanted me to tell you something for him."

She stood up straighter, raising her eyebrows. "And?"

"And… that was it. I didn't let him finish. I cut him off."

"You cut him off?" The tone of her voice rose precipitously.

Kirk shrugged. "I knew we'd both make it back. And we did. As for the loving you thing--I guess I just saw how you two acted together and filled in the blanks. You two make sense. I'm sure he'll come around before too long."

Nyota shook her head and bit back a sharp reply. She wasn't so sure that Spock would change his mind, but she forced a smile. "I hope so. Thanks."

Kirk shot her one last grin before heading for the door. "Anytime, Uhura. Anytime."

***

The next morning, Nyota received another unexpected visitor. She was engrossed in a scan of signals in the Delphic Expanse when one of the cadets tapped her on the shoulder.

"Commander Spock is out in the corridor," he said. "He'd like to speak to you in private."

Nyota's heart started to race, but she kept her outward appearance as calm as she could. "Thank you, cadet."

She walked calmly and deliberately out into the corridor. Spock stood waiting for her. The color had come back to his face, and he looked rested and well again.

"Hello, Commander," she said. "You're looking well today."

"Thank you, Lieutenant. Will you walk with me?"

She nodded and fell into step beside him as they walked away from the lab. They walked in tense silence through the tiled hall until they left the building and came out into the central quad. Nyota's eyes flicked unconsciously across the quad to the flags, waving mournfully at half-staff.

Finally, as they turned away from the flags and started down the path to the bay, Spock broke the silence.

"Nyota--I dislike the way we parted when we last spoke aboard the _Enterprise._ I spoke to you with uncharacteristic harshness, and wish to apologize for my behavior." He looked steadily ahead of him, his hands clasped behind his back.

"No," she reached out to him, lightly resting her hand on his elbow. "If anyone needs to apologize, it's me. I was controlling and judgmental. I never should have behaved that way."

They both halted at the corner of the building, turning to look at one another.

"It seems we both behaved in a distasteful manner," said Spock. "Let me assure you that I harbor no ill-will toward you. It was a very… emotional… time for us both."

The corners of her mouth turned up. "Yes. It was." Her whole body relaxed in relief. He had forgiven her. "So," she dared ask, "why didn't you contact me sooner?"

He looked down at his feet. "I needed time to meditate and reflect in private."

If Nyota was going to continue her relationship with him, she knew that she would have to learn to respect his needs, even if they didn't always mesh with what she wanted. She nodded. "I understand."

He turned to continue walking, and lightly touched the small of her back, leading her forward. They rounded the corner and headed into the small quad that overlooked the bay.

"It may amuse you to know that you were not the only person concerned about my well-being the day we returned to Spacedock. Not long after you left engineering, Captain Kirk and Dr. McCoy arrived and ordered me to take a mandatory medical leave of at least forty-eight hours."

Nyota smiled in tight-lipped amusement. "I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only one who cares about you."

"Indeed, it seems you are not." His fingers stretched out to graze against hers as they walked. "I spent the first two days after my return in rest and meditation. Yesterday I joined my father and the Vulcan High Council with their work among the refugees. They have called for a gathering of all remaining Vulcans so that my people may plan their future together."

Nyota gripped his arm. "How is your father?"

They had reached the low fence at the edge of the quad, and Spock stood by it, staring out over the bay. "He finds solace in his work, as do we all." He turned to face her again. "I am expected to join them shortly for today's meetings and councils. But I desired to see you first. I still wish to continue our relationship. Do you wish the same?"

She took his hand. "I do."

The corners of his mouth turned up in the first semblance of a smile that she'd seen in a week. "I am pleased. I have ensured that my schedule is free tomorrow evening. Are you available to join me in my apartment at twenty-hundred hours?"

"Nothing would make me happier."

***

Spock and Nyota sat together on his sofa in very much the same place where they first kissed. After sharing tea and catching up on what they'd been doing for the past several days, Spock's voice took on a more serious tone.

"When I was aboard the _Narada_," he began, "it occurred to me that there were many things I ought to have said to my mother before she died--many sentiments that I ought to have expressed, no matter how illogical they may have seemed. I do not want to make the same mistake with you."

He looked intently into Nyota's eyes, and she held her breath in anticipation.

"Nyota--I asked you here tonight in order to tell you that your friendship has been, and continues to be, the most important of my life."

Her heart leaped and danced in her chest. His calm and even tone did not disguise the importance of his declaration. She had never expected so much from him.

She stretched her arms out to lay her hands on his leg. "I love you."

"I know."

With greater aggressiveness and passion than he had ever before demonstrated he pulled her to him, smothering her with his kiss.

For the first time in their relationship, his hands roamed over her body, exploring and caressing freely. As the intensity of their embrace continued to escalate, Nyota felt something that she had never experienced before--the touch of his mind against hers.

Her mind perceived even more clearly than her body the strength of his desire, and the intensity of his need. With his pure, unfailingly honest thoughts he was able to ask her what he had never yet uttered with his voice--he asked her to give herself to him completely.

With all the force of her thoughts and her body together she replied with an unmistakable "Yes!"

He gathered her in his arms and lifted her as if she weighed no more than a child, and carried her back to his bedroom.

When he set her back down on the floor, she raised her arms, allowing him to pull her top off over her head. She snaked her hands under his shirt, and he let her remove it. Her hands dropped to his waist, unzipping his pants.

She could feel him tensing up, and she looked up into his eyes. "Is something wrong?"

He shook his head. "No. It is merely that… I have no prior experience with such an encounter. I may need some… guidance."

She grinned, and let out a short, low laugh. "Don't worry. I'll teach you everything you need to know."

***

In the morning, after her shower, Nyota sat on the edge of the bed brushing her hair as Spock dressed.

"I need to spend the day packing. I'm leaving for Nairobi tomorrow morning to spend a day or two with my mother, and I need to decide what I'm taking onboard the _Enterprise_ and what I'll be storing at her house."

"That seems a sensible course of action." Spock sat beside her to pull on his socks and boots.

"And then," she continued, "when I get back I'll head straight up to the ship. No more dorm rooms for me. Will you already be onboard when I get there?"

He took a long, measured breath as he pulled on his second boot. "That is something I have been meaning to discuss with you."

Something in his tone made her nervous. She set down her brush and stared at him. "What is it?"

"I… am not certain if I will be joining you aboard the _Enterprise_."

Nyota felt as if she had to have heard him wrong. "I don't understand."

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his legs. "During my discussions with my father and the other Vulcan Elders, I have come to see the great importance of uniting with my people to assist in the rebuilding of my species."

A sick dread began to grow in Nyota's stomach. He couldn't possibly be saying what she thought he was saying--could he?

He spoke again. "I have no desire to leave Starfleet. However, logic dictates that the needs of the many--the needs of my people--outweigh my personal desires. It is my duty to resign my commission and to assist in the perpetuation of my species."

She stared at him in disbelief. "Oh my God. The _perpetuation of your species_? Are you saying that you…?"

He nodded. "I would be expected to take a Vulcan wife, and to act to bring forth offspring."

She shook her head and rose to her feet, walking away from him. She couldn't be hearing this. Not after last night.

"Oh God," she said. "Oh my God. That's what last night was all about, wasn't it? You were saying good-bye."

He rose to his feet. "Nyota--"

She spun to face him. "You brought me here--you seduced me--all the while knowing that in the morning you were going to tell me _this_!?"

His eyes were wider than usual. "Nyota--I believed that physical intimacy would be the most effective way to convey the true depth of my regard for you. If I had known that you would react in this fashion, I never would have--"

"No!" She held up her hands, gesturing for him to stop. "I can't hear this right now. Don't say that. Don't regret what we did."

"I… I do not regret." He tentatively stretched one arm out toward her, but then dropped it. "Nyota--I have not made my final decision. And I truly wish to remain involved in this relationship with you. I simply do not know how to reconcile my desires with my duties."

Nyota felt tears welling in her eyes, and she fought to hold them back. She heaved a deep, shuddering breath.

He stepped toward her. "How may I help you? What can I do?"

She shook her head. "I just… I need some time to take this in." Her voice quavered as she spoke. "Please just let me sit down and think."

He nodded mutely, and stepped back.

She staggered back to the bed and sank down. Her head was spinning. She squeezed back her tears, and bent over her knees, cradling her face in her hands.

Her mind circled the dilemma again and again. She loved him. She wanted to be with him. But his people needed him. The more she thought about it, the deeper the awful truth began to sink in. If their positions had been reversed, she would have felt a deep sense of obligation to help repopulate her species, and to carry on the human race. Of course he would feel the same.

His people needed him. They needed him even more than she did.

From the very beginning of their relationship, Nyota had been prepared to be separated from him. But she had never expected the separation to be quite so permanent.

She blotted the tears away from her face, and took another deep breath. Her mother had always taught her that real love wasn't selfish--it was selfless. Nyota could see now that the best thing she could do to show Spock her love, would be to tell him the truth, and to say goodbye.

She slowly raised her head and met his eyes. He looked more anxious than she had ever seen him.

"I'll miss you," she said. "I'll miss you so much. But… I understand. Your people need you. And if you make the decision to stay with them… I will support you."

He sat down close beside her, their legs touching.

"Thank you, Nyota. I value your support."

They sat in silence for several minutes, simply treasuring each other's presence. Finally, Nyota rose to her feet.

"I need to go now. I have a lot to do."

"I understand."

He followed her to the door. "Will I see you again before you leave for the _Enterprise_?"

She squeezed her eyes shut. She longed to see him again--longed to spend every possible waking moment with him. But in the end it would only make letting go that much harder.

She shook her head. "I don't think that would be a good idea. I don't want to place undue pressure on you while you're trying to make your decision."

"Yes. That is logical."

"So…" She looked up at him. "That makes this goodbye."

Gently he reached up to run his fingers along her cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned forward, resting his forehead against hers. They stood like that for several minutes before Nyota pulled back.

"Goodbye, Spock."

"Goodbye," he whispered.

She turned, and left him behind.

As she left his building, she stopped struggling to stay strong. All of the tears that she'd held back finally spilled out of her eyes and streamed down her cheeks.

***

After her farewell visit to her mother, Nyota shipped up to the _Enterprise._ She didn't contact Spock before leaving. If he wanted to speak with her, he would have to contact her himself.

She spent two days re-familiarizing herself with the communications system onboard, and getting to know the other communications officers that would be serving under her. On the evening of the second day, she received orders from Admiral Pike to return to Earth for a special commendation ceremony. All the senior officers of the _Enterprise _were to attend.

The next afternoon she arrived back at the Academy and made her way to the Assembly Hall. Old friends and colleagues greeted her, and tried to draw her into conversation, but Nyota didn't feel much like talking. Instead of taking a seat in the main area of the Hall, she slipped out and made her way to the dimly-lit upper gallery.

She scanned the Hall for sight of Spock, but he didn't seem to be there. Her heart sank. If he hadn't come to the ceremony, it probably meant that he had decided to resign. Their last meeting really had been goodbye.

As Kirk received his commendation and his new commission as permanent captain of the _Enterprise_, Nyota tried to feel the same excitement and celebration as the rest of the crowd. But she couldn't bring herself to join in.

As the cheering subsided, she sighed, and turned to leave the gallery. In surprise, she noticed that she was not the only person who'd been watching the ceremony from the upper gallery. An older Vulcan man stood on the far side of the gallery.

There was something about him that seemed uncannily familiar.

Nyota knew that she shouldn't intrude on his privacy, but she felt inexplicably drawn to him. Slowly she made her way over to him.

"Pardon me, Sir," she said as she drew near to him. "I'm sorry to intrude, and this probably sounds very irrational, but I somehow have the feeling that I know you, even though we've never met."

The Vulcan man turned to meet her eyes, and, amazingly, smiled. The shock of recognition was powerful.

"My God," Nyota whispered. "You're Spock."

He nodded. "I am indeed Spock, Nyota Uhura. It is very good to see you again."

She shook her head. "I'd heard rumors, but I had no idea they were true…"

"They are. I was pulled through the same black hole as the _Narada_ to arrive in your time."

Nyota could hardly believe what was happening--could hardly believe who was standing in front of her. "It's amazing. Are you--are you going to try to go back?"

"No." He shook his head. "I dare not risk another such trip. The dangers and potential complications are too severe. I intend to remain here and help my people build a new Vulcan colony."

"They're lucky to have your experience and insights to help them. But won't it be difficult to live in the same colony as the… other you?"

The corners of his mouth turned up in yet another smile. "It will be odd. But I am certain we will adjust to the situation, should my young counterpart choose to live with the colony."

"He seemed pretty determined to go last time I spoke with him."

Old Spock arched an eyebrow. "Did he?"

Nyota nodded. Too many questions danced insistently in her mind for her to ignore them. So she chose to ask the most important.

"In your timeline," she said, "did things between you and the other me…work out? Did things between you last?"

Old Spock's eyebrows shot upward. "Nyota--am I to understand that you and my counterpart are engaged in a romantic relationship?"

"Yes. We have been. I just…" Understanding finally dawned. "Oh. In your timeline, you and I were never involved, were we?"

He shook his head. "We were not. We were dear friends. Nothing more."

The sudden surge of pain in her chest shocked Nyota. She didn't know why it should hurt so much to know that this other Spock, and that other Nyota, had never loved each other. But it did.

Nyota turned away from him to hide the rising moisture in her eyes. She shook her head. "If she was anything like me--and I'm guessing she was--she was probably in love with you for a couple of years. She just never got up the courage to tell you."

"Fascinating."

She couldn't help but smile at the familiar utterance.

Old Spock's hand came to rest on her shoulder, and she looked up at him.

"Nyota. I am happy that he has you in his life. Perhaps, with you to help him, he can learn to appreciate his humanity far earlier than I did."

"I don't know." She shook her head again. "I don't think I'll be in his life any longer. He's leaving Starfleet to be with his people."

Again, he smiled at her. "Do not despair. Your future is not yet written. You must hold onto the hope that anything is possible."

As he spoke, she felt a new sense of peace and assurance spread through her whole being. She knew he must be using his telepathy to influence her, but she didn't care. It felt wonderful.

"Thank you."

"It has been so very good to speak to you again, old friend." He took her in a warm, fatherly embrace, which she was glad to return.

***

Two days later, Nyota sat at her station on the bridge as all of the officers ran through the final pre-launch checklists.

She felt a slight shudder surge through the ship as they released the docking clamps connecting them to Spacedock.

All stations gave their all-clear reports to the Captain as he took his seat on the bridge. He seemed about to issue the command to head out when the turbolift doors whooshed open, and Nyota heard a familiar and highly unexpected voice.

"Permission to come aboard," said Spock, striding over to Kirk.

Nyota rose to her feet and grinned in disbelief as Kirk welcomed Spock back to the crew. As Spock strode past her to his station, his eyes met hers, and his expression flashed with eager excitement.

She shook her head, still grinning, and returned to her station beside his.

After the first jolt of jumping to warp had passed, she turned to look at him and found his eyes already on her.

"I didn't expect to see you," she said. "I thought that staying with Starfleet was illogical."

"It is." He nodded. "However, in recent months I have learned a valuable lesson. The logical decision is not always the right decision."

Nyota's heart rose in her chest, and she felt like laughing with joy. Spock was back. And he was here to stay.

"I am very, very happy that you're here," she said.

He held her gaze, and his mouth curved into the most obvious smile she'd ever seen him wear in public. "Allow me to assure you, Nyota--the feeling is mutual."

**Author's Note: **Yes, this is the end. I do plan on writing more Spock/Uhura in the future, but I have to balance my fic time with my novel-writing time, so it could be a few weeks to a month before I post something new. Thanks so much for all your support!


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